:(
I wish i could still talk to you
Chilling
:)
Listening to funeral for a friend with Boberts Cooper. Good thymez
I do I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to move on. I know that it is the healthy thing to do, not thinking about her and pretending that she isnt in this world. Usually this is easy. I submerse myself in everything I love to do. Watch a couple star wars movies, watch some one piece, play xbox or playstation,play some music and sing some songs, hell i would even write some story and just delete it cause i thought it sounded crap. And eventually this works. No matter how old i have been these things make me so happy that i just forget about what/who has been bothering me. This time is different. This time i can’t do any of the things that makes me happy. For the pure and simple fact that everything, EVERTHING, reminds me of you. I cant play my guitar, because everytime i do i see you playing yours. I cant draw, because every time my pencil touches the paper im reminded who inspired me to develop this latent skill of mine. I cant even sleep in my bed, when i try i am kept awake with the image and memory of you cuddling me, of your tender kiss. I’m filled with fear and hatred. This fear is not that i wont be able to be with you, you made it clear that the past will never repeat and that it was me that caused it. It as simple as the fear that you, the most amazing person i have ever met, have gone from my life forever, and that every day i do not hear from you is another day on that bath of forever. And the hatred? There is none for you. You did what you thought best. You didnt need me clinging to you and asking you how your day was, or if your doing ok. You have a new things to think about. No, the hatred isnt for you, but all for me. I hate myself for ruining probably the best thing in my life, i drove my muse and my partner in crime away. Maybe i just imagined everything between us. Maybe i’m wrong, to have felt the way i did. I have to let go of my fear and hate. But even if i do i have been eternally disenchanted. Because i have tried to on and just be with someone else, talk and kiss and sleep, but i dont want a lesser being. I want the amazing girl with flowers in her red hair. I miss yoi so much “Kairi”
